The Irony Did Not Escape Me

This is event is embarrassing and none of you want to have to experience this, but hell, I am sure it will happen to all of you if you live long enough.

On my way home from work from a graveyard shift as I was getting off the bus, my lower bowels decided to have a 9 alarm fire. Dammit, I thought. I was so close to home. Six freaking blocks. I decided to make a run for it. After two blocks, I realized that this baby was not going to wait for me until I get to the privacy of my throne. I ducked into a restaurant asking for the toilet. The employees there gave me one of those looks. You know, the one that says if I am not a customer, I can bleed to death for all they care. After I told them that I would buy something, they directed me to the secret hole. But before I went there, I felt like I should order something on the menu just to show them that I was sincere. As I scanned for the cheapest item on the menu list, it dawned on me that most of what they were selling were burritos. The irony was as transparent as the stool that would soon enough coming out of my butt. I picked an item after taking a few seconds deciding if I wanted chicken or pork and ran to the toilet. Actually, I did not run, I didn't want them to know the dire situation that God had put me in. I nonchalantly walked away.

When I got there, the men's side was locked, but the women's side was open. It was really early in the morning so I thought that no one would be using the place, so I dived in. Ok, I should fast forward a few minutes in this story because even the most infantile brained among you would want to know the details. All I would say was as I was in there in the stall, every sound I heard could mean some unsuspecting woman could be coming into the room. I did not have time to do any thorough job, just enough to triage the emergency. As I walked out of that room, I was as happy as a schoolgirl.

The moral of the story is even if you do not want to take a dump at work like me, at the first sign of any intestinal discomfort, please hold your pride and modesty and just do your duty there because when the shit does hit the fan, you might not be anywhere near a toilet.

The burrito that I unwillingly bought was delicious. It usually cook my own meal at home, but I might as well enjoy this Mexican specialty now that it's mine while pondering the mysteries of the Universe.